Let me introduce myself. My name is Olivia K. Spektor. You don’t know me, but you will. Oh! That’s not me suggesting that I will someday be famous, but rather that you’ll be learning more about me and hopefully I’ll learn more about you too. If you are already subscribed to me, you might know that I write poetry and prose, but haven’t posted anything new in roughly a year. To which, I send my dearest apologies for my absence. I began this site as a means to post my poetry and various other scribbles, but as it turns out, my muse for poetry tends to only come around when I am visiting very dark times. So, if anything, we should be elated that I am not writing poetry! I am not without poems though. I do have many more locked away in folders waiting to be tweaked and remolded for your reading delights, so freight not!
I come back to you now ready to express myself in a way I have yet to do: through a regular update on the inner workings of my mind. Yes, a blog, one where I can fully express how I deal with reality and fight to maintain a world of fantasy around me. A few of you might be wondering “but, what about your novel? Are you still working on A Mad Girls Lullaby”? The answer is, yes! I had to take the last several months off of working on my novel because I chose to put other life problems as my main priorities. Like a moth to a flame, I will always return. If I go too long without writing my soul weakens and it’s hard for me to find motivation to carry on. Thus, here I am! Back to the grind and ready to commit further to my writing.
At the beginning of this year I followed in the footsteps of a friend and instead of choosing a New Year’s Resolution, I selected a word that would represent my coming year. I made sure to pick a word that represented what I wanted to become. Strong, powerful, fierce, determined, confident, courageous. I wanted a word that represented all of these equally while also being calm, deliberate, and just. There was no other word better suited than “warrior”. The warrior is ready for battle at all times, willing to do what it takes to save herself and her comrades. The warrior is precise in her strikes and strategic on the battle field. The warrior preservers knowing she will have a home and her loved ones to come back to when the battle is over. During times of peace, the warrior is still stuck in the throes of battle, fighting her strongest enemy: herself. Never is the warrior deterred, because the warrior carries a confidence and knowledge no one else knows. She is the collective whole of everything she done and experienced. She carries small amounts of everyone she has fought and loved. This is what it means to me to be a warrior and this is what I wish to accomplish this year. To be fierce like the warrior, to be confident like the warrior and to love like a warrior.
I will be touching base to this theme a lot in my blog and I will probably talk a lot about fighting mental illness because that is something I am adamant about having in the public’s eye. I try not to be shy about my own personal demons, because I know if I don’t talk about it, someone out there might not get the help and comfort that they need. I aim to be the voice of the silent and the ear for the unheard, because we all deserve more.
Now, I’m sure you would like to know a little bit more about me. That is hard for me to describe, because I am different for each person. I am a sister. I am a daughter. I am a lover, and I am a friend. I am many things to many different people, but to me, I am a dreamer. Guided by the hidden magic of the world and given strength by the spirit of the bear. I refuse to see reality as it is and instead look for the beauty in the world. I love the smell of freshly wet dirt, the sound of thunder, water crashing against rocks, the earth between my toes, sun on my skin, and the smile of a stranger. These are all things I find magic in, and all things that make life worth living. I see myself as a girl with her head in the clouds and feet firmly planted on the ground, lost in a tornado of reality and fantasy, with only a pencil and paper to hear her screams.
Expect another blog post next week, I’ll introduce you to the magic that I find in the world!
Have a wonderful day